Day 127 - Finally

This is a week of finallys.  I finally broke -40 lbs. (that actually, that happened yesterday (Fri. April 22)) and today I'm down another pound so it's officially -41 lbs.   Yes, I'm super pleased and it's 'finally' hitting home that I am actually DOING this.  I am actually FINALLY losing weight and mostly keeping it off (though we all know the 'keeping it off' part doesn't come until you've hit your goal and managed to stay there in maintenence).  AND, I finally started exercising.  :)   In a moment I will explain a little about my diseased mind and my plan for working out.  This week's loss, 5 lbs.  BUT REMEMBER, I'd gained 2 lbs. last week so I'm really only about 2+ lbs. this week.


Okay.  Working out.  Yuck.  I decided, after a ridiculous quiz I took, 4 months into my efforts that basically told me (at the end of the quiz) that I should pretty much be dead or dying.  Mostly I should be dead.  This of course ROYALLY pissed me off.  And I suppose that anger spurred me to my next move.

I signed up for Curves for a 3 month membership.  Kids and I are heading out in mid-July to go visit family and this will take me right to the departure point.  However, I am so mental, I can only do this one way....all or nothing.  SO.  I am working out every single day.  My goal is to work out every single day for 10 weeks, just because.  What I've told myself is that I'm doing this to prove to everyone who's been riding my ass to exercise that exercise is NOT going to make a big difference.  I know of course full well that is bullshit, but it's how I have to play this game to make it work.  Maybe at the end of 10 weeks, I will actually LOVE it (probably not) or at least see why it is a necessary evil.

Part of my problem has been that I've felt guilty about hating to exercise and have really beat myself up internally about it.  Knowing I should, pretending like I wanted to, using my wretched knees as an excuse.  I finally gave myself permission to announce the truth out loud to anyone who would listen.  I hate exercise.  I do not enjoy it.  I do not like moving my body.  I like being still.  I like sleep.  I like lounging on the couch and reading or watching tv or being silly with my husband and kids, but I HATE exercise.

The thing about going to Curves, as my health coach pointed out, is the WORKOUT is actually going.  I detest the whole operation.  Changing into 'workout' clothes, finding a clean (hopefully), matching (more hopefully) pair of socks.  Grunting through the bending over and having to strain to breathe to put on said shoes.  Making sure the kids are squared away and then driving there and back.  Once I'm there, my whole battle is over.  The actual workout is a breeze.  I am pleased to say that I actually, kind of, sort of, enjoy it now.  I won't go so far as to say I look forward to it, but I am enjoying it.

Yes, I went today (Sat. 4.23) and it was my 8th workout in as many days.   Wish me luck.