Day 268 - cue the Hallelujah chorus!

(I recommend starting the video and then read the post....very dramatic!  I love it!)

Cue the music!  I promised for a long time now that I would provide numbers once I got to a certain point in my weight loss.  Today, is that day! (thus the above music)

I started this Dec. 17th and of course the saddest part is that if I had REALLY stuck with the program faithfully day in and day out, I would probably be down another 20 or so lbs. at this point.  Ah, so enough of the flogging....I shall use today's victory as motivation.   As I have immersed myself since about Thursday in remembering 9/11, including spending much of this morning watching coverage, reading stories, and sobbing....I cannot think of a better day on which to celebrate a small personal victory!

And yes, I will continue to hold you hostage for a moment longer.  While on my trip this summer, I gained a total of 7 lbs. which as I mentioned in a previous post was miracle considering how much we ate out and I only worked out about 5 times while there.  Fast forward to last week.  I was down 3 lbs. since my return home and by this past Friday I had lost the 7 lbs. plus 1 lb.  And now as of this morning I've lost another lb. 

My weight started to creep up in March of 2003.  I'd gone on a cruise and gained about 15 lbs. or so.  After that it was a steady march up the scale.  I haven't shared numbers with you because I didn't want anyone to be freaked out or horrified.  Even if you knew me/saw me at my heaviest, you wouldn't have guessed I weighed this much.   Sure I've looked fat for years but to imagine I was heading toward 400 lbs, say it ain't so Joe!   Last October I went to see a new general practitioner here and it had been a while since I was last weighed....my weight was 362.  I had not weighed myself in YEARS so this is my highest known weight on 'record' (i.e.  in my mind).  By Dec. 14th I had lost three pounds!  Wow!  So I was at the doc on Dec. 14, 2010 and my weight was 358; three days later I started MediFast and so I use 358 as my starting weight.  As of this morning, my weight was 299.3.  My promise was to tell you when I made it under 300 lbs.  I weighed 306 after the birth of our second daughter in June 1999.  I had actually lost weight  - I only gained 7 lbs. the whole pregnancy and she weighed 9 lb. 12 oz.  I have not weighed less than 300 lbs. in at LEAST 12 years.  Wow.

Since I've returned from our trip, I've had a tough time getting back on the wagon to eat what I should be.  I also haven't been to the gym every day.  Started back on Aug. 29, went 3 days and didn't go back (yikes) until yesterday.  I am very pleased to report, that the awareness of my weight this a.m. has given me a whole new wave of motivation to ride and for that I'm really grateful.

From this point forward, I will report my losses (and, gains - but we'll try to keep those at bay!) in real numbers even if it means going back over 300.  I am aware that I am 'barely there' but I'm really excited to see what I can do this week.  I really want to lose another 41 lbs. by Dec. 17th so it's gotta be 'game on'!

Thanks to everyone who reads this and has offered any words of support and encouragement.  I know those comments, thoughts, observations seem small and perhaps insignificant but they really are HUGE!  Please fee free to share this blog with anyone you think might find it interesting or motivating.

Have a great day and once again, I must add, my heart is breaking all over again as I think of and send love and peace to those impacted by 9/11.  I promise not to forget!

See you next week!

Day 85

Okay, so the pressure is ON like DONKEY KONG! (stole that from Emily J. from a year or so ago...).  Happy day today.  This whole thing reminds of my struggles with math growing up....basically I'm a math dork.  BUT, when I was "on" in math and I got the right answers and it all made sense (which was RA-ARE) I LOVED math and considered myself an FG (msg me if you need to know what that means).  And of course MOST days, I felt like I needed to be on the short bus, the very short bus because I'm a math moron.  Weight loss feels the same.....on the weeks I lose (and not even lose big) I'm very pleased, dare I say, ALMOST getting excited.  On the weeks I gain, I'm not very happy but there's almost usually ALWAYS a culprit (didn't drink enough water, ate out, 'modified' too much etc.).  On the weeks I maintain, I consider it a win, just like in blackjack a push is a win and believe me that is TRUE!!!   SO, drumroll please..............................

Since last Saturday, I'm down 9 lbs.  NOW, before you get your panties in a twist, let me remind you I had gained 3.5 lbs. the week before so I needed to make up lost ground.  So the way I see it, I'm down 5.5 lbs for the week which of COURSE is pretty kick ass.  How'd I do it this week?  Well I didn't eat out.  Okay, so I had tequila, lime chicken over shredded lettuces with, yes, some cheese on Thursday night at village fest but it was prepared on the spot and not loaded with stuff....just really chicken strips, peppers, onion, and a little tequila/lime lovin'.  Serving it over shredded lettuce vs. rice or noodles??????  Geunius!   We've learned to LOVE lettuce for wrapping and eating things.  It's suprisingly sturdy, thick almost, and a much better alternative to tortillas, rice wrappers, BUNS, etc.  Frankly, I cannot believe I don't MISS bread.  I really don't!  AND, my big confession, I had a Carl's Jr. cheeseburger on Wed. (just a reg. one not one of their fancy ones) but no fries (of course!!!).  BUT the rest of the week, some days I only ate 4 MR instead of my available 5 and kept our lean and green meals really lean and green.  Also, I didn't drink as much water this week (and you know my theory about drinking the water to lose the weight) so I don't know that helped as much.  But I'm just mentioning it.  And no, I didn't really do any official 'exercise' either.  Oh, but I did have quite a few shakes too.  The shakes are DEFINITELY key for me.  If I've eaten something I really shouldn't or had a bad day or went out or whatever, the next day is a min. 3 shake day (sometimes 4) and that usually helps temper the damage. 

The main thing is, I finally really understand how to gain and lose weight.....if you eat too much you gain if you eat less you lose.  It really IS that simple.  I have also learned that sugar is the devil's favored child.  No, don't get me wrong, I love you sugar but we can't be friends any more or at least the co-dependent, friends we have been; BUT it really does trigger you to want more!!  I'd heard this for years but never believed it but I've never cut out sugar for more than a week in my life before.  On the few occassions I've had anything with real sugar in it....I find I'm crazy hungy the rest of the day.   So, I'm just sayin' it's the work of the devil and I'll enjoy it in moderation but for me that will be very, very tiny bits once in a very rare while.

Today for food:
Well as I'm writing this post at 9:17 PST I've only had my usual cup of coffee (with Coffeemate vanilla creamer - sorry healthcoach, I just won't give it up). And no food.  So, I'm fixin to make a pancake and that'll hold me for at least 2 hours, possibly three.

Oh one more little epiphany....I've actually gotten more done around the house.  Being busy really helps to do this.  If you work full-time, this would be a VERY easy diet to stick to.  If you work from home it's a little tougher because those "I'm bored, let's find something to eat" moments are harder to avoid.

Oh and one little tidbit....a reward for reading to the end.....in another 22 lbs. which will probably take 4-6 more weeks, I will reveal my current weight at that time and my official starting weight.  I haven't wanted to share numbers because they are so shocking, I didn't want anyone getting wound up about it.  So I don't mind telling I just want to wait until it REALLY means the most to me and 22 more lbs WILL.  Now, do let me say, that I'm at a weight right now I have seen since probably 2006 (mabye even before that).

Day 43

 Okay, so don't get excited.  I'm not really interested in posting many pictures yet.  However, it's been asked that I post more of a full-body shot.  I wanted to lose more weight, but whatever, here you have it.  The picture to the left was taken sometime in the first half of 2010 at my friend Alan's house.  I have PLENTY of this type of 'before-picture'.  The one to the right, with me in the green shirt was taken today.  In the 'before' photo I was at least 20 lbs. heavier, possibly more, definitely one of my 'fatter' days.  I realize these two pics are kind of comparing apples to oranges as I'm sitting (half-lying down) in one and standing in the other, but here you have it.  I will cheerfully use the pic of me in the green shirt as the basis for future 'progress shots'.  Now on to the important sutff.....

Today is day 43 so I've been doing this 6 weeks.  By now, it is by far easier than the first three weeks were.  Things I'm still struggling with:  yummy food smells;  that is THE hardest thing....totally triggers me to really WANT the 'offending item'.  :)  BUT, the 'savoring the smell' thing I mentioned in a previous post, REALLY makes a diff.  Just trying to focus on enjoying the smell is SUPRISINGLY satisfying.  OBVIOUSLY not the same as actually devouring said yummy thing, but you get the idea.  :) I'm also struggling with 'missing' the good food.  I'm having to learn to just constantly remind myself that 'food is fuel, food is fuel, food is fuel' we 'eat to live, not live to eat'.  Sigh.

My loss this week was about 2 lbs.  So my total loss for 6 weeks is 19 lbs.  I can assure you I've never lost 19 lbs. during a six week period in my entire life.  So, yes, I am rejoicing but I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO far to go.  However, I am working very hard to ALWAYS stay in the moment and any time I have that thought, I remind myself, it doesn't matter, all that really matters is getting through TODAY, sometimes the next three hours. 

I don't know if eating like a 'normal' person will EVER feel routine to me, but I am so grateful to be doing SOMETHING that's taking me in a good direction.  I do have an exciting marker on the horizon though.  In four more pounds, I will weigh what I weighed when I moved here.  Once I hit that and get below it, I will be in brand new territory that I haven't seen in at least 4 years and perhaps longer.  My next marker will be 29 lbs. below THAT number as it will be what I weighed after I gave birth to Olivia, daughter number 2 in June of 1999.  Anything below that will be numbers I haven't seen in 10+ years.

Exercise....I also know that at this point, if I want to see better/faster results I have to start exercising.  My knees are STILL killing me, but I am going to commit to a 5 min. walk every day (and not count walking to/from around the grocery store).  I know it's pathetic but that is where I will start.  Believe it or not, I actually used to be a 'runner', not hard-core mind you but back in 1992 when I did another big weight loss program, I worked up to running about 1.5 miles a day.  I never thought I'd be a runner.  Of course I never will do that again as just walking across the room is painful but I will give the 5 min. thing my best effort.  I am also going to try to get back to doing the Abdoer every day.  I just can't do the every other day thing.  If I don't have something hanging over me every day, it's just not motivating enough.  I know that's sick, but it is what it is.  The mind is an amazing thing, mine is feeling completely f'ed up.

Good things I continue to notice....I am sleeping SO much better, I have stopped (okay, VERY intermittently) taking my anti-depressant.  My mood is generally better (though I have noticed some intense bitchy moments).  AND, I'm motivated to get more done around the house and actually start/complete projects.

Today's food so far:
*coffee w/tbsp creamer (had 2 8 oz. cups each with one tbsp-yes this is OFF PLAN but I don't care, it's my ONE real treat in the day, 1 tbsp is 25 cal)
*1/2 my daughter's breakfast sandwich (NO, I normally DO NOT eat this stuff but I was really hungry and unprepared and my health coach is gonna have a hissy (rightly so; she's always bitching at me to be prepared and God love her, she's right)
*MF oatmeal (I have learned to almost LOVE this oatmeal....never thought I'd type that)
*NO WATER yet, yikes, I just realized that as I'm typing this, will get my mug immediately.  Okay, I am back...just got my first mug.  It's 28 oz. and I drink about four of these a day.

Today's rating:  8/10 (I am happy about my loss and am generally feeling pretty good about my efforts.) 

I promise before my next Sat. post to do my 5 min. of walking every day and see where it gets me.

Days 16-20

Obviously, like all things with me, my initial zeal is waning, but only temporarily.  Weighed on Monday to see the damage from new year's weekend.  Yikes, up 3 lbs.  BUT I weighed on Wed. and I was down 2 lbs. so a net gain of 1 lb.  Weighed again on Thurs. and was up 3 lbs.  NOT pleased.  :( :( :( :(  Overate at dinner on Wed. night and I think that was the impact (had turkey and ham + lettuce wraps); I got overly hungry and ate more than I should have.  Now mind you I didn't go WILD, but anyway.
YESTERDAY was just awful.  I snacked on and ate so many extra little things throughout the day, I was miserable by the end (but the misery was my guilt, I didn't physically feel bad).  That coupled with the +3 lbs. showing on the scale in the morning.  Blech.  I have been really diligent about my water the last several days, making sure I'm drinking at least 64 oz. and then some.  I decided that today I was going to do my very best to stay right on track and I've had a good day.  I still have 2 MR and dinner to go before the day is done and I weigh in again tomorrow as my 'official' weigh-in for the week.

Some disorganized thoughts...
*I am very depressed about this whole thing right now, because I feel like I'm failing because I'm hungry every 1-1.5 hours.  I should be able to make it longer than that and I'm finding it very, very tough.  Today I decided to eat every 2 hours (which I've done 3/4 times today) but now I'm facing 4 hours before I eat dinner and I don't like that to be my last food of the day, but it may have to end up that way.  We're having a late dinner tonight and there's no way I'll make it w/out 1-2 MR between now and then.  My fear is I'll be hungry even after eating (tonight's plan is salad and chicken breast).
*I need to begin exercising.  I think that's going to be the key to keep my body guessing.  I do try to do the Abdoer every day, but it isn't enough.  I think I'm going to HAVE to suck it up and start walking, no matter how much my knees hurt.
*I know this HAS to work, this is my last resort.  I just don't think I can bear the thought of doing gastric bypass or a lap band.  I just hate the fact that I'm finding myself hungry every 90 min.  I even have been asking myself, are you actually hungry or is something else at play.  I make sure I drink water in those moments but I'm still hungry.  Arrrgggh!

Yesterday gets a 3/10.
Today so far, gets a 6+/10.

Food today:
apple cinammon oatmeal (almost done with the box of this, I can't wait, NOT a favorite)
Choc. shake (definitely love these)
choc. mint crunch bar
chicken noodle soup

plan for the rest of the day
shake
pudding

Yes, you read that right, I've allowed myself 6 MR in a day.  One the days I can make it, I do only have 5.  But I've allowed myself one extra on the days I think I just can't make it.

Days 14-15

NOTE:  scroll to the bottom for my BIG NEWS if you don't wanna read this whole thing.
New Year's....not quite as challenging on the food end as Christmas.  We went to a New Year's Eve party which included dinner.  I had one slice of prime rib (no, I did not exceed my 5 oz. on this) w/some horseradish sauce (about one TBSP), one square of garlic potatoes au gratin (about 2 1/2" cubed), one roll, 1/3 piece of corn on the cobb, 3/4 cup of tomato bisque (I must say this was divine, and I'm sure a major no-no, but I didn't have seconds....on anything), and one dinner plate FULL of dark leafy salad greens with about 2 TBSP of ranch dressing - yes another no-no but I didn't care).  I drank lots of water, had one 6 oz. cup of coffee after dinner.  Dessert was a 3 1/2" choc. cookie tart with a scoop of vanilla ice cream with berries on top.  So, I didn't go off the deep end here, but it was definitely a lot more food than I've been having in one sitting and here's the interesting thing....(oh and I had a very full glass of white zin. (was a gift from someone for our anniversary)....okay, back to the interesting thing.  I was practically miserable at the end of the night.  I felt weird, overly-full, just truly uncomfortable.  The wine really messed me up (I've never been a BIG drinker, well okay, in college, I could tear it UP, but now, about 3-4 alcoholic drinks a year) but it really made me feel crappy along with all the rich food.  You would think of course, I would be RIGHT back on track then at breakfast, nope.
Breakfast on New Year's day, okay, here I used less sense than the night before....scrambled eggs (about 3/4 c.), two cubes each of pineapple, honeydew, and cantaloupe (all of which were FABulous), one small bagel with cream cheese, 1/2 of my daughter's uneaten ham/bacon/cheese omelet, 2 cups of coffee with cream and Splenda and that's it.  SAME RESULT....I felt like crap.  I was actually HAPPY to be back on the plan for the remainder of the day.  I only ended up with 3 MR for the day and our lean and green dinner.  New food....the vanilla pudding, not bad, not bad at all.
Today, right back on track!  Had four MRs throughout the day and chicken with broccoli at dinner.
We went to the movies today and I brought a bar and some smoked almonds.  I did have some diet coke.  As I write this, it's just after 9 pm and I'm going to have to have my 5th MR, 'cause I'm hungry!!!!!!!!  Exercise today, didn't do the Abdoer but I will tomorrow a.m. however, we did drive out to a small nature preserve and walked a little bit, I probably walked about 1/3 of a mile all together.  My knees were hurting pretty good today, so I just didn't wanna push it.

Food today:
lemon meringue bar
chicken noodle soup
oatmeal raisin bar
oatmeal raisin bar
chicken and broccoli at dinner
choc. shake (final MR tonight)

Water today: about 8-9 glasses (8 oz.)

Today's rating: 7/10 (with 10 being FABULOUS!!!)

Things I've noticed....eating off the plan, now that I'm more used to it-bad idea.  I have to make sure I drink LOTS of water.  The low water days aren't as good as the big water days.  And I really do like water, it's not a chore for me to drink it.

My BIG news!!!!!!!!!  I weighed in last Friday morning, which was day 14 on the plan and I was down 13 lbs.  So as you can do math too, that's almost 1 lb. per day.  I was too chicken to weigh myself after Fri nite/Sat. a.m. to see the damage, so I'm going to hold off until this Wed. and then I'll weigh again, next Sat.