Day 43

 Okay, so don't get excited.  I'm not really interested in posting many pictures yet.  However, it's been asked that I post more of a full-body shot.  I wanted to lose more weight, but whatever, here you have it.  The picture to the left was taken sometime in the first half of 2010 at my friend Alan's house.  I have PLENTY of this type of 'before-picture'.  The one to the right, with me in the green shirt was taken today.  In the 'before' photo I was at least 20 lbs. heavier, possibly more, definitely one of my 'fatter' days.  I realize these two pics are kind of comparing apples to oranges as I'm sitting (half-lying down) in one and standing in the other, but here you have it.  I will cheerfully use the pic of me in the green shirt as the basis for future 'progress shots'.  Now on to the important sutff.....

Today is day 43 so I've been doing this 6 weeks.  By now, it is by far easier than the first three weeks were.  Things I'm still struggling with:  yummy food smells;  that is THE hardest thing....totally triggers me to really WANT the 'offending item'.  :)  BUT, the 'savoring the smell' thing I mentioned in a previous post, REALLY makes a diff.  Just trying to focus on enjoying the smell is SUPRISINGLY satisfying.  OBVIOUSLY not the same as actually devouring said yummy thing, but you get the idea.  :) I'm also struggling with 'missing' the good food.  I'm having to learn to just constantly remind myself that 'food is fuel, food is fuel, food is fuel' we 'eat to live, not live to eat'.  Sigh.

My loss this week was about 2 lbs.  So my total loss for 6 weeks is 19 lbs.  I can assure you I've never lost 19 lbs. during a six week period in my entire life.  So, yes, I am rejoicing but I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO far to go.  However, I am working very hard to ALWAYS stay in the moment and any time I have that thought, I remind myself, it doesn't matter, all that really matters is getting through TODAY, sometimes the next three hours. 

I don't know if eating like a 'normal' person will EVER feel routine to me, but I am so grateful to be doing SOMETHING that's taking me in a good direction.  I do have an exciting marker on the horizon though.  In four more pounds, I will weigh what I weighed when I moved here.  Once I hit that and get below it, I will be in brand new territory that I haven't seen in at least 4 years and perhaps longer.  My next marker will be 29 lbs. below THAT number as it will be what I weighed after I gave birth to Olivia, daughter number 2 in June of 1999.  Anything below that will be numbers I haven't seen in 10+ years.

Exercise....I also know that at this point, if I want to see better/faster results I have to start exercising.  My knees are STILL killing me, but I am going to commit to a 5 min. walk every day (and not count walking to/from around the grocery store).  I know it's pathetic but that is where I will start.  Believe it or not, I actually used to be a 'runner', not hard-core mind you but back in 1992 when I did another big weight loss program, I worked up to running about 1.5 miles a day.  I never thought I'd be a runner.  Of course I never will do that again as just walking across the room is painful but I will give the 5 min. thing my best effort.  I am also going to try to get back to doing the Abdoer every day.  I just can't do the every other day thing.  If I don't have something hanging over me every day, it's just not motivating enough.  I know that's sick, but it is what it is.  The mind is an amazing thing, mine is feeling completely f'ed up.

Good things I continue to notice....I am sleeping SO much better, I have stopped (okay, VERY intermittently) taking my anti-depressant.  My mood is generally better (though I have noticed some intense bitchy moments).  AND, I'm motivated to get more done around the house and actually start/complete projects.

Today's food so far:
*coffee w/tbsp creamer (had 2 8 oz. cups each with one tbsp-yes this is OFF PLAN but I don't care, it's my ONE real treat in the day, 1 tbsp is 25 cal)
*1/2 my daughter's breakfast sandwich (NO, I normally DO NOT eat this stuff but I was really hungry and unprepared and my health coach is gonna have a hissy (rightly so; she's always bitching at me to be prepared and God love her, she's right)
*MF oatmeal (I have learned to almost LOVE this oatmeal....never thought I'd type that)
*NO WATER yet, yikes, I just realized that as I'm typing this, will get my mug immediately.  Okay, I am back...just got my first mug.  It's 28 oz. and I drink about four of these a day.

Today's rating:  8/10 (I am happy about my loss and am generally feeling pretty good about my efforts.) 

I promise before my next Sat. post to do my 5 min. of walking every day and see where it gets me.

Days 14-15

NOTE:  scroll to the bottom for my BIG NEWS if you don't wanna read this whole thing.
New Year's....not quite as challenging on the food end as Christmas.  We went to a New Year's Eve party which included dinner.  I had one slice of prime rib (no, I did not exceed my 5 oz. on this) w/some horseradish sauce (about one TBSP), one square of garlic potatoes au gratin (about 2 1/2" cubed), one roll, 1/3 piece of corn on the cobb, 3/4 cup of tomato bisque (I must say this was divine, and I'm sure a major no-no, but I didn't have seconds....on anything), and one dinner plate FULL of dark leafy salad greens with about 2 TBSP of ranch dressing - yes another no-no but I didn't care).  I drank lots of water, had one 6 oz. cup of coffee after dinner.  Dessert was a 3 1/2" choc. cookie tart with a scoop of vanilla ice cream with berries on top.  So, I didn't go off the deep end here, but it was definitely a lot more food than I've been having in one sitting and here's the interesting thing....(oh and I had a very full glass of white zin. (was a gift from someone for our anniversary)....okay, back to the interesting thing.  I was practically miserable at the end of the night.  I felt weird, overly-full, just truly uncomfortable.  The wine really messed me up (I've never been a BIG drinker, well okay, in college, I could tear it UP, but now, about 3-4 alcoholic drinks a year) but it really made me feel crappy along with all the rich food.  You would think of course, I would be RIGHT back on track then at breakfast, nope.
Breakfast on New Year's day, okay, here I used less sense than the night before....scrambled eggs (about 3/4 c.), two cubes each of pineapple, honeydew, and cantaloupe (all of which were FABulous), one small bagel with cream cheese, 1/2 of my daughter's uneaten ham/bacon/cheese omelet, 2 cups of coffee with cream and Splenda and that's it.  SAME RESULT....I felt like crap.  I was actually HAPPY to be back on the plan for the remainder of the day.  I only ended up with 3 MR for the day and our lean and green dinner.  New food....the vanilla pudding, not bad, not bad at all.
Today, right back on track!  Had four MRs throughout the day and chicken with broccoli at dinner.
We went to the movies today and I brought a bar and some smoked almonds.  I did have some diet coke.  As I write this, it's just after 9 pm and I'm going to have to have my 5th MR, 'cause I'm hungry!!!!!!!!  Exercise today, didn't do the Abdoer but I will tomorrow a.m. however, we did drive out to a small nature preserve and walked a little bit, I probably walked about 1/3 of a mile all together.  My knees were hurting pretty good today, so I just didn't wanna push it.

Food today:
lemon meringue bar
chicken noodle soup
oatmeal raisin bar
oatmeal raisin bar
chicken and broccoli at dinner
choc. shake (final MR tonight)

Water today: about 8-9 glasses (8 oz.)

Today's rating: 7/10 (with 10 being FABULOUS!!!)

Things I've noticed....eating off the plan, now that I'm more used to it-bad idea.  I have to make sure I drink LOTS of water.  The low water days aren't as good as the big water days.  And I really do like water, it's not a chore for me to drink it.

My BIG news!!!!!!!!!  I weighed in last Friday morning, which was day 14 on the plan and I was down 13 lbs.  So as you can do math too, that's almost 1 lb. per day.  I was too chicken to weigh myself after Fri nite/Sat. a.m. to see the damage, so I'm going to hold off until this Wed. and then I'll weigh again, next Sat.