Things to report and some epiphanies

I started to put this in my day 4 post but it was getting long so I thought I'd post it separately.

Interesting things to report: 

*Shockingly, I already look different (not a lot but it's noticeable to me, but esp. my face). 

*I definitely FEEL different.  My knees hurt a tiny bit less, and now that the "nasty bitchy, I could kill everyone" moments have passed, I'm finding I'm in a better mood overall (dare I say, I feel a little joy sneaking back into my life? more on that in another post). 

*I am certain after less than a week, that I CAN do this for six months, at least to get some serious weight off.  I'm terrified at the thought of having to wean back to reg. food, but I'll tackle that when the time comes and luckily that won't be for quite a while. 

Epihpanies I've had since starting: 

ONE - The first two days, I realized a big lesson for me will be to re-train my brain to remember that food is actually fuel, and that it isn't the reason FOR living.

TWO - By day two, I found myself taking smaller bites and eating slower, almost subconsciously because I want the "food"/meal to last a bit longer than 5 min.

THREE - By day four, I realized that "IT IS OKAY TO BE HUNGRY".  I occurred to me that I haven't experienced true "hunger" in A LOT of years.  What's happening, is that when I start to feel this actual thing called "hunger", I'm panicking.  It's subtle, I'm not outwardly freaking out, but mentally and physcially I'm feeling myself almost recoil in horror....

"WHAT?!?!?!  I'm HUNGRY and your not feeding me!!!!  I'm HUNGRY and you're not finding 10 things within arm's reach to feed me! You bitch!" 

So, the learning to be okay with feeling hungry is tough, but I take one moment at a time.  I have found myself reaching for water in those moments, almost subconsciously.  I know the hunger thing will get better in another couple of weeks once my body accepts that we're doing this for A LONG WHILE!