Day 57

Persevere and ye shall be rewarded?  I just don't get this whole losing weight thing, I really don't.  Last week, I'd been really good (maybe one stray piece of cheese and a handful of nuts the whole week).  NO weight loss.  Drank a good amount of water but not AS much as I had been drinking (I try to drink my four 28 oz. mugs per day).  NO WEIGHT LOSS last week as my last post reflected. 

Fast forward through THIS week.  I ate at PF Chang's last Saturday night (had the chicken lettuce wraps and the crispy green beans).  I DID only eat two MR the whole day because I knew we were going out to dinner (guess......I'll never learn that reward/celebrating with food is never a good thing).  Then on this past Tuesday, we ate dinner at Panda Express.  Now, as a general rule since we started this, we really haven't eaten out.  So to do it twice in one week is unheard of (doing this plan) and never mind the guilt factor.  Again, on the Panda Express day, I had I think three MR for the whole day so I counted dinner as my "lean & green" and 2 MR.  I didn't eat anything after dinner.

This week I also drank my water like a maniac.  AND, I tried to have 2-3 shakes everyday.  I am CONVINCED that the water and more shakes than not are THE two keys to this plan for me. 

What does all of this mean?  Lost 5 lbs. this week.  WTF???  Seriously?  You wanna hear how psychologically f&%#ed I am over this effort?  I decided to get on the scale yesterday (one day before my weigh-in) JUST SO I could start to mentally prepare for how depressed I was going to be today when I got on the scale ('cause I'd been BAD this week right?).  Imagine my surprise when it said I lost four lbs. Needless to say I was elated.  I also did NOT think, okay cool, I can fudge a little the next day or two.  HOWEVER, that was short-lived because I ate way more than my share of popcorn (which should have been NONE) at the movie theater yesterday afternoon.   And what happens on the scale this a.m.?  I've lost another pound!!!!   So explain this shit to me!  I cannot live with the up and down guiltings I've been flogging myself with when I've been bad (only to find I lose) and then THINK I've been good (only to find I've gained or had no loss).

So, my current game plan is to continue to battle royale with myself that I'm not going to 'reward' myself with food.  I will have 2-3 shakes every day and on the days I'm feeling like I need to atone, it'll be an all-shake day.  I've adjusted my next order to include a lot more shakes.  I will also state I hate everything but the chocolate shakes. 

My day so far:
water (still on my first mug, but about to finish and start on my 2nd)
food: strawberry shake, orange shake
My rating for the day: 8.5/10 (due to my loss and that I've only had 2 MR so far and NOT hungry) and I'm doing a decent job on my water.

Thanks for those who comment and read this.  I really appreciated the comments on my post from last week I appreciated your kindness and encouragement.

Oh and one last thought....even though I didn't have a loss last week I can definitely tell that "things" fat whatever are shifting around.  THis is the reason I thought yesterday I had gained because my top roll of fat was way hanging out over my pants, go figure.

But wait there's more....I am not doing any exercise (not even the 5 min. a day I was going to).  My knees and ALL my joints hurt ALL the time, even when I'm lying down.  If I'm still for more than 5 min. everything seizes up and it takes me a solid 1-2 min. to actually move (think about the Tin Man stumbling about after getting oiled....THAT, literally, is how I move).  The pool, genius idea of course BUT....it's very 'spensive to heat it Lucy.  SO that's OUT until around April or so.  I could however at least do some crunches.  I like doing them and they aren't too painful.  AND, I could renew to do the Abdoer Twist.  Okay, I know what to do.