Okay so by Wednesday I realized, wow, I never sat down to post last Sat. and now it's already Wed. and now it's already LATE in the day of day 106 and a couple people have bugged me, so here I am.
The weather here has taken a turn for the vicious and I don't know if it's affected my feelings about all this, my efforts whatever. I don't even really have bad things to report.
Last week, day 99 (well, I'd gained 3.5 lbs. the week before, so maybe I missed posting??) my loss was 4.5 lbs. But since I was making up lost ground it was really only one lb. down but the scale said minus 4.5 lbs.
I had a good week, drank LOTS of water before last Sat.
Now for this week, I've lost 1 lb. so my total loss is 37 lbs. However, I'm not feeling all that great about it. I think I'm "officially" at a plateau. But, I know it's not really a plateau, it just FEELS that way.
Here are my epiphanies in the last 7-10 days....I have been working hard for about 4-5 days right now not to associate losses or gains as good or bad; not to look at slip ups as good or bad, not to view NOT drinking enough water as good or bad. I'm just trying to let it all 'be'. I am SO exhausted from judging myself constantly, not just about weight but about everything; however weight is my primary battle so I'm just trying to cut back on the judgement on THAT aspect of my life. I decide I'm happy and 'good' if I lose or make great choices; I decide I'm sad and 'bad' when I gain or make poor choices. I'm trying to let go of those things and 'do better' next time I'm presented with a challenge. Often, I make a great choice when facing those challenges. I truly understand though this is gonna take a SUPER long time and even 100+ days is a drop in the bucket.
Second epiphany but not really; it's a micro-goal. I want to register a loss for four weeks in a row. I'm not being picky, I just want to have a weight loss for four weeks in a row. This actually began as my micro-goal for last Sat. so now I'm 2/4 with loss. I just have to do it another two weeks. AND, after that, my next goal is to NOT weigh myself for two weeks in a row, JUST to see what happens. IF that's successful (and I have very mixed feelings about whether it will be), I will try going one MONTH without weighing. After that, we'll just see where we are. I really want to lose another 20 lbs. by July 1st and I think I can do that with mild-moderate effort. And let me be clear, I have 160 to go to get to my goal weight.
I really have to start exercising, but I just.......don't........wanna! And the fact that the temp. is starting to go up dramatically here is NOT helping my motivation. I just can't stand moving. My knees don't even hurt quite as much. I do NOT know why I am so loathe to move purposefully. We have a pool, I like to swim. (Though the water is still too cold to get in and we do NOT have the funds to heat it right now.) Argh! It doesn't help that as I type this, I'm about to nod off any second. SO, perhaps with some rest, I'll feel differently.
Today's food:
*two 12 oz. glasses of iced tea w/equal
*one MR bar
*1/2 tuna salad sand (NO mayo or cheese)
*small side salad
*1 10 oz. glass crystal light
*16 oz. bottle plain h20
*one small bite of coffee cake
Will only eat dinner at this point and MAYBE another MR brownie later? Doubt it though, it's already 5:30 and I'm not even hungry for dinner really.
Thanks for reading! Always appreciate your comments and am grateful someone's interested in my efforts.
p.s. Oh crud, I forgot! We went shopping the other night. I've shrunk somewhat which means some of my clothes actually fit me correctly now and some are loose-ish. I've not lost enough thought to warrant buying new clothes yet and that won't be for a long, long while, BUT I did buy one shirt (on sale of course!) the other night and I have dropped one size! This was at least true for shirts and dresses. Tried on several styles from different manufacturers. So I can get away with a 2x instead of 3x (and probably should've been wearing a 4x??). I'm not ready to try on any numbered sizes quite yet. Just can't face those digits right now.
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